Kamis, Februari 02, 2017
I walk around. I
stop in the halte because it is raining. I said that I never want to writing of
you anymore, but the rain constrain me to did it, it caught me to its beating.
Why does the rain break down everything? Why does the rain invite this feeling come
back? Why does the rain reveal magic? Why does the rain dig dipper all the
moment that I have buried so hard? Why does the rain give me a feeling blue?
Everyone's different,
everyone has a different normal and maybe this way is my normal feeling. I'm still feeling
blue. Its a simple sad. I feel this way at some point of my life. Especially if
the day’s raining and then my surrounding becomes a zone of depression. There
must be a reason at the back of my mind that I have not let go of yet that is
making upset. It is very good if I could
address the reason and deal with it.
Knowing
that I'm in this way once more, isn’t as painful as wondering if everything’s
ever come back. My mind understand that you, your story, your smile, your eyes,
were gone, but I still refuse it. Sometimes, I just have to accept it and learn
to let go. We have to let go something that once meant the world to us, not
because we want but because we have to.
I know this
feeling is complicated. Maybe it does not make sense all of the time. I can’t
say except “if only”. The storm have not past yet. Yet I haven’t know this
occurs a little longer than the past one. If only it takes a time to be healed,
I just want to be stronger. This jungle, this time, I'm only human that do not
have a heart to maintain itself. Its Yours, Allah.
I chew many
bitterness. Sometimes it’s taste sweet. I know its the only way to go to the
next way. Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something that is broken.
Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better. I wanna come back
to my sense. I wanna reframe my thinking. I wanna getting a long with the rain.
I wanna feel joy at the halte. I wanna see you in the happiness although that’s
not with me. Feeling blue is mine, not yours.